*Name*~mEgan

*Age*~15

*Sex*~Female

*Martial Status*~Single


~*mEgan Loves You*~


   
<< December 2017 >>
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
 01 02
03 04 05 06 07 08 09
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31

Hey!! Welcome to my blog!! Hope ya'll like it!! Don't forget to leave me a message on the message board!! Talk to ya lata!! Love ya!!

<3*Megan*

~Everyday it seems as though nothing changes, yet after awhile you look around and realize that nothing is the same.~

I will never ask if you don't ever tell me, I know you well enough to know you never loved me.

~Everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me you only see what I choose to show theres so much behind my smile you just don't know.~

...she stands in the doorway of her past...
and thinks of all the good times and the bad times just as she's about to leave...
and with a smile of satification and closure...
she turns off the light...
and walks away...


~Don't let the past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you become.~

~Let the past go, because there is no reason to hold on to something you can't change.~

~Live life as if it were now or never.~

~It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.~


~Soar~

When they push when they pull,
Tell me can you hold on
When they say you should change,
Can you lift your head high
And stay strong
Will you give up, give in,
When your heart's crying out
That it's wrong
Will you love you for you
At the end of it all

In life, there's gonna be times
When you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurity
Seems to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgettin' that
The one thing we should know is

Don't be scared to fly alone,
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
Its in your hands,
The world is yours
Don't hold back and always know,
All the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for,
Spread your wings and soar

The boy who wonders is he
Good enough for them
Keeps tryin' to please 'em all
But he just never seems to fit in
Then there the girl who thinks
She'll never ever be good enough for him
Keeps tryin' to change
And that's a game she'll never win

Now in life there's gonna be times
When you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurities
Seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing
We should know is

In the mirror is where she comes
Face to face with her fears
Her own reflection
Now foreign to her after all these years
All of her life she has tried
To be something beside herself
Now time has passed
And she's ended up someone
Else with regret

What is it in us that makes us feel
The need to keep pretending
Gotta let ourselves be


Shadows by Maigan

its just me again
in the shadows again
i'll just be here behind
just watching again
its ok.. do what you please
i'll just be here.. unnoticed

no one even hears me anymore
why couldnt i see it before?
im just a no one
just another person in the shadows
i'll just sit here and whither away
its ok though
you wont notice

your life will be the same
if im here or if im gone
my raised hand will be one unmissed
dont try to fix it now
its already done
i dont want a spotlight
it's ok i'll just continue
just being unnoticed


Go Cubs!!


Contact Me

If you want to be updated on this weblog Enter your email here:


rss feed



Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Beyond Bored....

Today....was very boring...all I did was set around the house and eat....and watch tv...not that it wasnt fun....but it was boring....there was nothing to do...but oh well...I wanna go do something tomorrow....somthing fun...if only I could drive...less then a month away...cant wait...freedom is almost here...mk maybe not total freedom...but more than I have now....hmmm...let's see...what else to write about....oh I know...at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary last weekend...I was sitting in my mom's car waiting to go home...and my cousin Bobby comes over and is like..."so you driving yet"...and I was like..."in about a month I will be"....and then we talked about what kind of car I'm gonna get and blah blah...but then my cousin Heather comes over and some how we start talking about how I dont have a boyfriend...and Heather's like bobby ropes with a boy named Tyler who is about 16....and Bobby was like "oh yeah I have been trying to hook him up with some girl named chelsea"...and then he is like you should meet him...he was looking for a picture of him...but unfortunately he didnt have one...but I was thinking....hey I guy in tight jeans...I'm there...so I think I might go over to their house during the summer something and maybe meet him...hopefully...I'm not really sure if I'm looking for a serious relationship right now....but I just want someone that I can hang out with...ya know...but anyways....enough about how boy crazy I am....I'm really excited about going to MASH this summer....I cant wait....we get to watch a live surgery....that is gone be sweet...well I dont really have anything else more to say...so I'm gonna go...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan

Posted at 05:14 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
It's been a long time...

Yeah I know....it's been a long time since I updated....but I'm lazy...and I was trying to make my other journal better....but I dont really know how....and this one isn't very good either...but it's the best of the two....so I have nothing better to do so I thought that I'd update for a change...well today was...shall we say....not good...but not all that bad either....arena registration was today....and me and devin get there at ten....think that they would be on like number sixty.....but oh no...they are on like 220....and my number was 126....so yeah...we had to wait until everyone else was in there....but I didnt fell too bad b/c alot of ppl missed their numbers also...but during it...I was seriously fixing to cry...but I'm a strong person...so I stop...got everything together...and continued....I'm not really sure how long I was in there....but it felt like forever....I didnt think that I was gonna get any of my class...but I got all of them....and I have B lunch so I am happy....actually I'm just happy that I made it through that...b/c I'll admit....there were times when I didn't think i was gonna.....but me and God...we worked it out and it's all good now....so now I'm just waiting for Alex to get back on....b/c I have no one to talk to....well actually that is just no one that I want to talk to...but anyways....school is over for 3 months and I am glad...well I can't think of anymore to write so I'm gonna go...and I will say that I am going to try and update daily...I hope...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan

*Please Comment!!*

Posted at 08:49 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Wednesday, February 25, 2004
A poem I found...

I don't see my reflection in the mirror
And I don't know the girl that's staring back at me
Where did I go, and why is she here?
I guess I got lost somewhere along the way
But is this all there'll ever be?
A child trapped by her emotions
And something she can never change
She looks around and wonders what her life is coming to
She picks up the razor blades from the floor and puts them back in her hidden place
And she needs someone to understand,
Someone who can wipe her clean
But the way things are going,
She's always going to be lost in her past
Hoping for the future
And not knowing how to step forward
She destroys my body,
And tramples on my mind
No one gets her, least of all I
Maybe someday she'll leave from here and go back to where she so belongs
But for now I feel as though I'm competing
For my own life
I want to be someone I can like
I want to be no one but me...

Posted at 05:47 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Monday, February 23, 2004
*sighs*...I just dont know anymore...

Yeah I know I havent updated in a while...but I've been alittle busy...last week we had winter break...and I went to branson with my mom and my sister and my mom friend margaret...it was real...and it was fun...but it wasnt real fun...haha...I know Im gay....but anyways...if any of you were wondering if Im better...I'm not...if anything I think I'm more depressed...sometimes Im doing everything in my power not to just burst out in tears...and Im just soaking in a pool of self-pity....and I know that that is bad...but Im at like an all time low....and Im always sighing....and no in a good mood...I'm so crazy I know....and all I wanna do is go in my room...turn off all the lights...and cry...now what I am crying about....I dont know...I just need someone to be there for me...and I friends...and dont get me wrong...they are there for me...but I feel like I need something more...and I know that I just cant wait around for prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet..that I have to go and meet people...and that I have to look around to the new doors that are opening around me...but all I wanna do is sit and look at the door that has just closed...and it wouldnt be that bad...if I hadnt been so close...it kills me how close we were...yet here I am...again...talking about how close I was...I dont know what is going to happen next...but I pray every night that whatever it is...it happens soon...because I cant go on like this for much longer...it is tearing me up so bad...you have no idea...well I'm gonna go...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~

~You'll Think Of Me~

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we got nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me, yeah

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday

Posted at 03:10 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Think about it...

~One day you'll come to me and ask, "what's more important: You or my life?" I'll say my life and you'll walk away never knowing that you're my life.~

I read this quote in brandon's profile...and it made me think...and at first I thought that this is how I felt...but now I realize that it's not...and Im not saying that Im over william..but Im not saying that I still like him...to be completely honest Im not sure what I feel...but I feel like Im standing still...while everyone else is moving...and that's not how I wanna be...I wanna be moving too...and sometimes I'm happy...but most of the time I'm....just not myself...and I always have headaches...and Im always tired...and dont wanna do anything...and it seems like the days go so fast...that I dont ever realize that it has already past...it's like time is lost...along with everything else...I have control over nothing...and it's driving me insane...and I say that I need a break...but are things honestly going to be different afterwards??....prolly not...when will things be different??....I dont know...but I can feel that someday they will...well Im gonna go...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~

Posted at 07:03 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Saturday, February 07, 2004
Pain is inevitable...

Yeah...I know that I havent updated in a while...I just havent felt like it...although it prolly would have done me some good to get all my thoughts and emotions out in here...but oh well...now I could lie...like I usually do and say that the past couple of days have been okay...but that would be beyond stretching the truth...everything is bad...I'm just sick of everything....this place...these people....this life...I just want to run away and never come back....I want to start all over again...but I know that I cant do that...I have to make it though all this...they say that true strenght is holding it all together when everyone understands you falling apart...this is the only place that I ever show my true feels...at school...with my friends....at home...I pretend like Im fine...that Im okay...when actually I feel like jumping off the nearest cliff...and I do that b/c I feel like ppl wont know how to react...I have always came off as a strong person...who always has everything together..when in reality...I have no idea what I am doing....and Im just always waiting to see what tomorrow brings...hoping and praying that whatever it is...it's better than today...and I feel like I'm barely living...I'm no who I use to be....all I want to do is sleep...I dont want to see other ppl...or deal with whatever problems they bring with them...I have more than enough of my own...but then again I want to help ppl...try and make their lives better...but somewhere along the way I allowed my own life to slip out of control...and now I dont know what to do...or how to get it back...and Im lost...in confusion and frustration...and Im struggling to find my way out...and I know that someday....I'll see that light at the end of the tunnel...but as it looks now...that day wont be any day soon...and I'll just go on...do as I do every day...just going on with life...still lost in yesterday...wondering where I would be now if I had done somethings differently...and I am more than aware that I shouldnt do that....that I should hold on to something that I cant change...but Im only human...and I make mistakes...and I know that ppl are going to comment and say that I shouldnt be so depressed...and that I should take what I learned from these situations...and move on...but I need this time to figure out who I was...and who I am now...b/c I have lost myself...and my mission is to find out who I want to be...and how to be that person...and I know that this will take time...but it is something that must be done...and if I just go on pretended that I'm okay this will just cause even bigger problems later...so I might as well just get it over with...well Im really tired and I have alot of homework to do tomorrow...so Im gonna go....Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~


Posted at 08:40 pm by KuHlChIcK17
(2)Heard the Silence

Wednesday, February 04, 2004
If you cut me...I will bleed...

Well it is sleeting outside...which I guess is better than snow...so Im hoping no school tomorrow...but I doubt that happens...I have 2 tests tomorrow...so yeah I have a bit of studying to do...plus homework...this week has gone by fast...it seems...I cant believe that tomorrow is thursday already...it just seems like monday was like yesterday....well tomorrow I'm gonna go to the jr high game...and I have no idea why...I think I'm torturing myself or something...but oh well...and I am so freakin tired...I think after this I'm gonna go take a nap before I start studying...I dont want this weekend to come...b/c that means that I shall be forced to do my geometry project....so gay..well I hope to be getting a new journal soon...b/c this one is gay...but maigan is in oklahoma...and I need her help...so when she gets back it shall be under construction....well I guess I'm gonna go...sorry it's so short...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~

*Comment Please!!*

No song...I'm gonna go take a nap...

Posted at 02:40 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Monday, February 02, 2004
Monday...enough said...

Well today was most definitly a monday...I am counting down the days until I leave school...mk not really...b/c if I did it would prolly just depress me even more....I retook my geometry test today...I pray that I did better than last time...that's about all that happened at school today...besides the fact that it was freakin cold...tonight I went to the game...to watch my sister play...their game was a tie and they didnt go into overtime...the girls lost...the guys won...it was a pretty good game...by the way...I'm over william...for all of you who dont already know that....but I applaud him for is "player" skills...b/c it's hard to play me....and he did...so yeah...pretty soon someone else will come along...and I'll be writting about him in here...well I'm really tired...and I didnt do any of my homework...so I'm gonna go now...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~

No song tonight...I'm too tired...sorry...

Posted at 07:47 pm by KuHlChIcK17
(2)Heard the Silence

Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Trying to make it through the rain...

Well today was...well it was just school...but it was alright...although it did keep my mind off of william..but I was concertrating on what I'll have to make up tomorrow...and it's just a bunch of tests and quizzes and stuff....anyways...notice the new title??...it has great meaning...and is extremely true...that is no forgeting someone you loved...no matter what...and I'm not saying that I've been in "love" but I've been close...and with william...I'm not saying that I'm in "love" or that I'm looking for a serious relationship...all I'm saying is that I just wanna see where it goes...but if he says that he doesnt want to...then I guess we wont...and I'll be crushed I know...but I'll move on...eventually...all I'm really asking for is a chance...is that too much??....maybe it is...I dunno...but I'm not sure if I'll get to talk to him tonight...b/c I think andrea is spending the night tonight..b/c both me and her are taking our career days tomorrow...so we can go to the hackett homecoming...I'll get to sleep in some...which is good...I need it...and if she's here then I wont be able to call william...so I might be stuck talking to him tomorrow...I hope not though...I'm gonna try to call him before she gets here...if he's home...he better be...and I dont care if he doesnt feel good...I'm telling him anyways...I cant keep it in any longer....well I gotta go clean up for when andrea comes over...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~

*Comment Please!!*

Posted at 02:11 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Trying to sort through my more then mixed emotions...

Well...I'm updating twice in one day...this is a first....the reason being that I need a place to store all my emotions...and I couldnt think of a better place...so here I am...well I did a majority of my homework...all I need to do is study...but I'll do that later...I called william...dun dun dun...lol...and I didnt talk to him about what I had planned to...I know I'm crazy...but when I called he was sleeping and he didnt feel good...so I didnt talk to him for very long...but I did talk to him...so that has brought my spirits up slightly...although no much...everytime I think about him I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach...b/c I'm really afraid I'm letting a good thing go...again...but I also know that if I try too hard that I'll scare him away...so I'm pretty much just struggling to find the fine line in the middle...but I also have this feeling that I shouldnt just try and get over him...I should try hang on...even if it's just barely...my head is spinning in about a million different directions....I told him to call me back if he got to feeling better...but I doubt he will...but tomorrow I am planning on talking to him...no matter what...all I want to do is tell him that like him...I'm not necessary looking for a serious relationship...I think that he thinks that I am...so that's why he as been acting weird...but Im not for sure...well I think I have gotten most everything out...I'm gonna go study and go to bed...g'night...Luv ya and C-ya lata!!

~mEgan~

*Comment Please!!*

Posted at 07:46 pm by KuHlChIcK17
The Silent Part of Me

Next Page